sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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