Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
