I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
