did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
