we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
