What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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