The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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