Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize