um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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