I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
soo... how was my night?
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