Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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