I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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