pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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