Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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