There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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