i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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