Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
