i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
