I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize