it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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