I am in a vortex of obligation.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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