pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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