My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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