I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
