After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you made out with another girl for some wings
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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