hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize