I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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