Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
