I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
