Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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