i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.