U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.