I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
