My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
