Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure