I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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