there's paper in my vomit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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