i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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