So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize