whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
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Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I believe in your delicious
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR