thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂