oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And then the night went full on bisexual.