Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry