The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
