That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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