I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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