apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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