I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and she was petting her beer can
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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