I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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