He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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