Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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