I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks