Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.