everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.