I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems