this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.