OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
