Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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